Sexual Fantasieson 01/23/2018 at 12:01 am
Like the comic says, thoughts and actions are two very different things! A bunch of really smart, insightful articles have already been written diving into the sometimes fun, sometimes upsetting, subject of sexual fantasies and I encourage you to read up on them if this subject has piqued your interest or you have further questions!
(The keen observer will note that a number of these links go to Scarleteen, which relies on public support to provide its comprehensive sex education for free. Kick ‘em a buck or two if you can, please!)
► Can my fantasies be inappropriate? -Scarleteen
► Are my fantasies normal? -Scarleteen
► I like fantasizing about it: would I like it for real? -Scarleteen
► SEXUALITY MATTERS: demystifying your fantasies -Delaware County News Network
► What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Say About You? Here’s What the Experts Say -Bustle
► Dark Fantasies, Part 1 -Dear Sugars
(I haven’t listened to Part 2 yet, but I assume it’ll be just as informative and compassionate as its predecessor!)
► Fantasizing About Someone Else Is Not Cheating -The Cut
► 25 Sex Fantasies Women Have that are Totally Normal (and Hot) -Glamour
EDIT – Matt
Something we didn’t really mention in today’s comic is Sexual Fantasies VS Intrusive Thoughts, both very different things that can be conflated with one another. It’s worth us quickly mentioning here that not all your thoughts are latent fantasies or desires. Sometimes your brain’s gonna torture you with crap because it’s wired that way. We really recommend you read up on Intrusive Thoughts elsewhere, this looks like a great place to start.
Our comic today is a light introduction to sexual fantasies and only looks at it on a surface level. There’s SO much to how our brains work, so we really encourage you to treat this is a starting point as you go forward an do more research on your own!
The person leans over, resting their head in their hands as they continue to look at him. They think to themselves, “Wow, SO CUTE. Mmm, I can picture some things I wanna do with him…”
Their partner waves a hand in front of their face, interrupting their thoughts. “... Hey babe, did you hear me?”
Startled, the person jolts back into their seat as their partner gives them a knowing look. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahaha, er, uhh, nothing! No one! Er, what were we talking about…?”
Blushing furiously and sweating a little, the person takes a sip of their drink to compose themselves. In their head, they wonder, “Jeez, what is UP with these raunchy images that keep popping up in my head all the time???”
At this, a tiny Erika poofs in. She throws up her arms and says, “Sounds like you’ve got some Sexual Fantasies!”
The person jumps up and starts backing away. “WHERE DID YOU COME FROM and how did you hear that?!”
Tiny Erika conveniently ignores the question. She points to her head and says, “Sexual fantasies are erotic ideas and scenarios that pop up into your mind and get your juices pumping!”
“They can be about all KINDS of things, from kinks to people to fantastical creatures to settings and situations and activities.” Stars and hearts representing these fantasies pop off of Erika as she says this.
Erika smiles and holds out her arms wide as she says, “There aren’t really any limits on what can constitute a sexual fantasy and, being the creative creatures we are, we’ll go through scores of them over our lifetime.”
A little squiggle of frustration comes off the person as they hold their head in their hands behind her. They say, “But like… I’m thinking reaaaaally raunchy thoughts and desires ALL THE TIME. Does that mean I really WANT to do these things? I… I didn’t think I was that kinda person!”
Erika moves over to reassure them. She points at her head as she says, “Aw, there’s nothing wrong with you, that’s all NORMAL. Having fantasies is healthy, ordinary, and part of what makes you unique and interesting!”
“Sexual or not, your imaginative mind constantly wants to explore and play. Thoughts and actions are two VERY DIFFERENT things!”
Erika holds up her hands. A silhouetted figure sits in one hand in a thinking pose, imagining a barbell with weights in a thought bubble. In her other hand, a silhouetted figure is lifting the actual barbell up over their head.
Erika sits down at a campfire with the person. She leans back on her hand a little as she says, “Our brains just love to go to weird places! We all THINK about doing stuff that we would never actually carry out. Your fantasies don’t define who you are as a person or even say what you really, truly want to experience! For a basic example: Have you ever been so captivated looking at a fire that you pictured yourself reaching out and touching it?”
The person smiles as they warm their hands by the fire. “Who hasn’t? It’s so beautiful!”
Erika asks, “But are you ACTUALLY going to put your hand in the fire FOR REALS?”
The person moves back a little. “Oh lord, no, that’d be awful!”
Erika responds, “Just because it’s fun to think about, doesn’t mean you really are going to act on it.”
Erika puts out the fire with a bucket of water as she continues. “Fantasies can let folks fulfill their desires that they can’t reasonably act on, which is actually part of the appeal!”
The person scratches their head. “I dunno, I feel pretty weirded out by some of the stuff floating around in here…”
Erika puts a hand on their shoulder and shrugs as the person nervously bites their knuckle. She says, “Hey, even if something really gets stuck in there don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s OK to like the weird and scarier stuff! There’s nothing wrong with you. We all have been turned on by thinking about illicit subjects before.
Erika gestures and directs the person’s attention towards an illustration of a path next to some grass with a sign saying, “STAY OFF GRASS”. A silhouetted figure giggles and experiences a shiver of pleasure as they cheekily put one foot on the grass, despite the sign.
Erika says, “Sometimes the fact that something is contrary to your morals or it’s taboo is the exact reason why it’s so tantalizing to think about! Those thoughts may be stimulating to you because they’re off limits. If it were socially acceptable, it would lose its appeal because there’d be nothing exceptional (and therefore thrilling) about it!”
Erika points at her head, which is opened up at the top with lots of swirls, hearts, and stars popping out of it. She says, “Getting to explore in your head the things that you shouldn’t or can’t reasonably act on is how imagination WORKS and it’s what makes us such fascinating creatures. But if you’re overly worried about what’s spinning in your juice box or you feel you’re in danger of acting on the scarier images or doing anything illegal, there’s always outside help available. Seek out a good (sex positive) therapist to figure out where these thoughts are emanating from and how to remain in control of your actions.”
“Overall: embrace your fantasies! Having them is healthy and normal.” Erika hugs some of the hearts and stars that came out of her head. “You’re free to think about the most over-the-top fantasies with impunity as long as you’re respectful and kind to others in your real life actions.”
The person sits back down at the café table with their partner. Erika gives them a little nudge with her elbow as she says, “Enjoy your dirty thoughts, you wonderful perv, you!”
A little heart floats in between the couple as the person asks, “Wanna hear something raunchy?”
Their partner gives them a little kissy face as they answer, “You KNOW I do!”
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This comic was posted on January 23, 2018 and transcribed May 15, 2022, by Dennie Park, who can be found at linktr.ee/DeepBeeps