While Wikipedia explains the mechanics of premature ejaculation, this article by Cory Silverberg really gets to the heart of the issue and I encourage everyone to give it a read (regardless of what kinda junk you have and how you feel about it!): Why I Love Premature Ejaculation This passage especially resonated with me:
… [Premature ejaculation is] an opportunity to do something most of us never do; question why we have sex in the first place.
After all, the idea of premature ejaculation presupposes that there is a clear end goal, and that you’re getting there too soon. It also presupposes that extending sex is an obvious goal of sex. If you’re ejaculating before you want to, or before your partner wants to, the first thing you ought to do is ask yourself, what is it that I want to extend? Is the sex I’m having good enough to want to make it last longer? Am I coming quickly because really, there’s not much to wait around for? And do I want the goal I set for sex to be one that requires a stopwatch to evaluate?
What if all you wanted from a sexual encounter was to feel good? If ejaculating prematurely feels bad then you’ve got a good reason to learn to control ejaculation. If it doesn’t, then maybe what’s required is a conversation with your sexual partner about what they want, and how you can make sure you both get what you want, how you want it.
The second reason I love premature ejaculation is that it provides an interesting counter narrative to the traditional story we tell ourselves about male sexuality. Male sexuality is simple, we say. …
–Cory Silverberg, Why I Love Premature Ejaculation
(Emphasis my own)
As always, Scarleteen* delivers on the good, practical advice on how to understand and deal with a hair-trigger cock in the articles I come way too soon and I just can’t deal! and A problem with “premature” ejaculation…maybe isn’t premature ejaculation.
*Support Scarleteen’s comprehensive, inclusive sex education with a small (or large) donation!
See you next week! (If not sooner ;)
“Alright,” he says. “I’ve got a bit before my guest arrives. That gives me enough time to put the kettle on and change my shir-”
He’s interrupted by a person bursting into the panel, yelling, “I’M HERE.”
Matthew smiles as he sets the kettle down on a stovetop. “Oh! Hey! I wasn’t expecting you quite so soon! What did you want to talk to me abou-”
The person interrupts him again. “That’s kind of the problem, actually. I’m a chronic early-arriver. I finish things before I start. I’m ahead of my time.”
Matthew seems a little confused. “Those don’t sound so ba-”
Interrupting again, the person groans. “Ugh. Matt. I CUM TOO FAST.”
“Oooooooooo,” says Matthew. “You’re talking about Premature Eja-”
“I’m talking about Premature Ejaculation” finishes the person, as the tea kettle starts to whistle on the stovetop.
“I looked it up and most penises take about 4-8 minutes to ejaculate once they’re getting some ‘sexual stimulation’... but when I start fooling around I climax WAY faster! Sometimes in a few seconds!” the person bemoans, throwing their hands up in despair while a large stopwatch ticks away in the background behind them. “I’m trying so hard to make it last, but, barely a touch and… KABLOOEY. Augh, it stresses me out!”
Matthew’s face pops up in a panel bubble reassuringly. “Aw hey,” he says. “Don’t worry, this is super common and nothing to be ashamed of. There’s a ton of different reasons why people may come faster than they’d prefer.”
“There can be physical causes, like Prostatitis (inflamed prostate) or medications that affect your hormones -”
“- or mental reasons, like performance anxiety and over-excitement -”
“- and some people have unintentionally trained themselves to come quickly from masturbating like Sonic: too fast and too furious!”
“There are even theories that some may be genetically predisposed to it or wired in such a way that makes ejaculating quickly more likely.”
“Whatever the cause, it can leave a person stressed out about sex, caught in a loop of worry and shame.”
Matthew’s face pops out on one side of an infinity loop. The person sobs from the other side of the infinity loop. “HOW DO I FIX IT?”
Matthew responds. “Not to get all zen on you, but changing how you see this situation may actually be the best first step.”
“Wut”, the person asks.
Matthew takes the whistling kettle off the hot stove. “Yeah! It’s super easy to believe that an orgasm is important, the be-all and end-all of satisfying sex. But that’s not true!”
The person cries “Haroo” in the background.
Matthew moves to pour some tea. “Challenge your idea of what good sex is. Think about all the kinds of sex that aren’t just about your orgasms: talking dirty, making out, exploring each other, grindin’ n’ rollin’, sex toys, oral, touch and - and SO much more.”
The person squints at Matthew as he tells them this. Random math formulas and functions float around their head as they struggle to understand what he’s saying.
“Sex is about feeling good with another person in an intimate way and there’s so many ways to do that, beyond just coming.”
Matthew holds his mug of tea as he continues. “Accept PE as part of yourself and move forward. Orgasms aren’t important and there are other ways to enjoy sex. Take that pressure off your shoulders.”
The person asks, “... and then I’m cured???” as they gesture, making a circle with one hand and putting their finger in it to mimic penetrative sex.
Matthew responds, “Well, probably not, but being less anxious and fixating on it can help a ton! At the very least, you won’t feel so bad and you can start focusing on other things. Try and chat things out with your partner, or partners. A frank conversation with no shame can do wonders. Then, if your cork pops before you and your potential partner feels ‘done’, just go ahead and keep doing other fun sexy things together until you’re both satisfied!” Matthew raises his arms up. “Be creative! Enjoy!”
The person shrugs, not looking satisfied with the advice. “That’s a fine life philosophy, but what if I actually want to make a physical change?”
Matthew continues. “Ah, sure thing! Here are some more physical treatment options that may help rewire your noggin.”
Wrap That Banana
An illustration shows a banana with a condom covering half of it.
Reduce your cock’s sensitivity by throwing a condom on (though don’t ever double bag).
Take Your Time
This advice is accompanied by an illustration of a pink snail.
It sounds simple, but slow things down and don’t rush. Jerk or thrust slowly and gently. GIve yourself plenty of time to get used to those sensations.
Stop and Start & Edging
A checkered racing flag is drawn next to a hand indicating, “Stop”.
Pay close attention to your arousal and then STOP way before you get close. Cool off before continuing. Do this several times in a row before you give yourself that O.
Drawings of pills accompany this heading.
If you’re still struggling, visit your doctor. There are some medications, like the SSRIs used in antidepressants, that can delay ejaculation.
Matthew smiles as he wraps up his advice. “And, ah, that’s it! With a new mental approach and a few things to try, you’ll hopefully see some improvement with a bit of time. I’m sure you can do it! Got any questions?”
Matthew and the person are silhouetted as they stand silently next to each other. There is a long, awkward pause as Matthew waits for a response.
Matthew waits a little longer before asking, “... bud?”
The person waits even longer before finally responding. “... No, I’m good! Just practicing slowin’ down!” They flash a smile and point two finger guns at Matthew as he playfully rolls his eyes.
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This comic was posted on March 3, 2020 and transcribed May 15, 2022, by Dennie Park, who can be found at linktr.ee/DeepBeeps