Gaia by Blushon 01/12/2021 at 12:02 am
A biodegradable toy for under $20? Fuck yes that’s the sort of energy I NEED for 2021.
I do feel a pang of small guilt at not having given the week to the quad-fucker-fuckin-fucker-machine, but honestly – you need to have a real thirst to get yourself ready for that beastie. We’ll get to it sure, but right now? With the world the way it is? We need something kinder.
Say hello to an amazing pair of toys for any of you who are brand new to the world of vibes.
Buy from our Friends (with Benefits)!
- Early to Bed
- Good Vibes
- Fun Factory
Early To Bed - 10% off - OHJOYLovehoney - 15% off - OHJOYPleasureChest - 15% off - OJSTStockroom - 15% off - OHJOYTwistedMonk - Free USA shipping - OHJOYFun Factory - 10% off - OJST
And, finally while we much prefer and encourage you to buy from small business, here's Amazon...
Lovehoney.uk - 15% off - OHJOY
Lovehoney.eu - 15% off - OHJOY
Lovehoney.au - 15% off - OHJOY
Lovehoney.ca - 15% off - OHJOY
Discovering this line of toys from Blush was like surfacing and breathing in much-needed oxygen after a long dive in murky waters. So often we get asked by teams where we think the future of sex toys is heading. Almost every time we talk about how it feels like every feature has been designed and every curved sculpted and that the only space left to develop and grow is the STORY of the toys; the past and future impact the toy will have. Who made it, what went into the design, why does it exist? We want to know the story behind it, that thought went into it, and how it’s conscious of the future.
Knowing there’s a line of cheap biodegradable toys out there honestly delights me and feels like a new bar from which to judge all toys.
That all being said, here’s a tangent, this week has been a real rough one. I became American about 4 years ago, and I still don’t FEEL American. I’m not sure I ever will. But even I felt the shock wave from Washington this past week. It hit hard. My heart goes out to everyone who’s still reeling. Take time to look after yourself and those around you.
Erika stands in the background, looking a little quiet as she looks down and touches her index fingers together.
Matthew continues. “This puppy’s got a DOUBLE SET of dildo-thrustin’ rods at each end, so we can BOTH get rodgered together at the SAME TIME!”
A mighty, industrial looking behemoth of a machine is shown as Matthew speaks. It is a large, blocky machine set in black and white, with two sets of dildos on each end (for a total of four) thrusting back and forth at max speed. It rumbles and makes “FUCKITY-FUCKITY-FUCKITY-FUCK-FUCK-A-FUCK-A-FUCK” sounds as it dually services the vaginas and anuses of willing participants on each side.
Matthew keeps going. “This cunt slammin’ butt rammin’ fuck machine delivers all yer new year’s goals to all yer holes! Make sure you’re good and lubed up, ‘cause this -”
Matthew stops as he notices Erika, who has taken off her party hat. She stares at him silently with a glum expression.
He turns to her as he realizes. “Ah,” he says.
Erika puts a hand to her cheek as she says, “2020 was a… rough year. Maybe we could start this one out -”
Matthew finishes her sentence. “A little chiller? Say no more…” He puts his hand up as he turns off the machine.
The comic turns to Erika taking a deep and gentle breath as she sits in a cross legged yoga pose. She says, “2021 is about cutting back chaos and seeking out soothing simplicity. It’s about being kinder; to ourselves, each other, and the world. With those tenets in mind, I’m starting out my sex toy-reviewing year with…”
(Made and sent to us by Blush Novelties)
Matthew pops in from the side just to note, “(Don’t worry, we’re still gunna review the Hismith Premium Quad Penetration Sex Machine later!)”. He winks as a pair of familiar dildos thrust away in the background.
An illustration of two toys are shown with their respective points.
- 1 AAA battery
- 3.5 inches by 0.75 inches
- 2 AA batteries
- Splashproof (Not Submersible)
- 7 inches by 1 inch (5.75 inches insertable)
Each toy is one solid colour in a muted, pastel tone. They both have smooth, slim shapes with rounded ends and are noted to be made of a “BioFeel” material. The Eco Bullet is green and smaller than the Slim Vibrator, with a button on the end. The Slim Vibrator is blue with a twistable end, marked by a slight notch around its body.
Erika speaks, her speech bubbles coloured green with stems and leaves attached to them. “So right off the bat, these guys are biodegradable. This is a big deal, since sex toys are generally destined for the landfill when they reach the end of their life. Gaia is made from ‘BioFeel’, a starch-based bioplastic that’ll decompose and degrade. It’s non-porous, body safe, easy to clean, and feels like regular hard plastic - but less energy and fewer greenhouse gasses go into its production, so it’s way more earth-friendly.”
“When you’re done with the toy you can drop it off at an industrial composting facility or, if you don’t have access to that, it’ll naturally break down over time in a landfill.”
An illustration shows one of the Gaia vibrators breaking down into smaller particles.
Erika continues. “So, how do these guys actually perform? They’ve each got just the one speed, turning on with a twist or button push on the bottom - nothing fancy, nothing difficult. It’s a real breath of fresh air, to be honest.”
Erika demonstrates using giant versions of the toy. She uses her knee to tap a round button on the end of the Eco Bullet, and uses her hands to twist the tip of the Slim Vibrator.
She also notes, “(The Slim Vibe has a camouflaged twisty tip that WILL change the speed ever so slightly, but it’s super subtle.)”
“The little guy (the Eco Bullet) wasn’t really my jam. His size made the stimulation way too pinpointed on my cooch and the vibrations were too fast and fuzzy for me, quickly desensitizing the places where I pressed it, including my fingers. It’s not for me but the quality of the toy itself is good and I’m happy recommending it to somebody who likes this kind of concentrated, frizzy sensation on their bits.”
An illustration shows a vulva with the Eco Bullet being pressed against it in a way that provides more concentrated vibrations.
“The Slim was much more to my liking. As always, I prefer external stimulation, so using it for penetration didn’t really do anything for me, but pressing it lengthwise across my lips and clit with that nice long shaft, covered decent ground. The vibes were nice and deep, very pleasant. Plus, they didn’t irritate my fingers! All in all, this is an A+ vibrator.”
This time, an illustration shows the Slim Vibrator being gently pressed lengthwise against the vulva.
Erika reclines with giant versions of the toys, with gentle green plants growing in the background. She hugs the giant Eco Bullet with one arm.
“Simpler, effective, and kinder to the planet,” she says. “I hope these elegant little vibes are a sign of what the new year has in store for us.”
“Hey, and after we’re all relaxed and rejuvenated? That’s when we can bring out the big guns again.”
The comic ends with celebratory dildos thrusting out of the corners of the panel.
Brought to you by our awesome patrons at Patreon.com/erikamoen.
To repost or license this comic, visit Ohjoysextoy.com/license.
This comic was posted on January 12, 2021 and transcribed March 10, 2023, by Dennie Park, who can be found at linktr.ee/DeepBeeps