Vegan Bedroom by Shelby Criswell, published November 18, 2018 for https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vegan-bedroom-shelby-criswell

Shelby Criswell draws in an exuberant cartoon style with thick, blocky shapes and thin ink lines. Their color palette is flat teal-greens, mustard yellow, pinky-red, and warm gray.

Page 1
"Hey folks, it's Shelby! I'm Baaaaaaack!!!" They exclaim, bursting onto the page with confetti. They have short cropped hair and sport thick-rimmed glasses, along with tattoos up and down their white-colored arms. Their septum is pierced and they wear a black wrist watch along with a red kerchief around their neck, yellow t-shirt (with pit stains), black jeans, and red high top sneakers. A white bunny rabbit chills beside them, munching on a carrot serenely. "And I just recently celebrated my one year of being vegan."

Gesturing at a freestanding chalkboard with a pointer, Shelby explains, "If you don't know what that means, here's a quick definition:"

Written on the board in green chalk is the text, "Vegan: Someone who doesn't consume products made from animals in any form." The bunny looks on at it while wearing a high school graduation cap.

"What are you getting at, Shelby?" Asks a person with gray-toned skin, hoop piercings, and short curly hair on top of their head with the rest shaved off on the sides. They wear a white t-shirt with text and orange illustration on it, red shorts with a black belt, and a black jacket that's had the sleeves removed and is now festooned with spikes, studs, and patches.

"Aw well," Shelby replies. "I thought about other things I could make vegan in my life, and my mind immediately went to my bedroom and sex toys."

The stranger looks at Shelby incomprehensibly, saying "..."

Running at full speed, Shelby continues, "Hey! I promise I'm not gonna' be preachy, you do you boo. I swear this stuff will be interesting, let me explain..."


Page 2
Now in the produce aisle at the grocery store, they hold up curved, oblong vegetables- a green cucumber in one hand and a yellow long gourd in the other. "Okay, so after looking into it, I've learned quite A LOT," They expound, leering at the yellow gourd with their tongue out cheekily. "like you don't have to use veggies as dildos, haha! You can use real sex toys!"

"Turns out going vegan in the bedroom isn't as hard as it might seem! Most of the toys I already had were animal-free. Majority of sex toy materials are too, LIKE THESE:" Over in the Sex Toys aisle of this grocery store, Shelby gestures at a large classical museum-fancy picture frame, upon which is mounted four penetrative toys. They are labeled:
Glass: a curved scepter with multiple bulbs over it.
Plastic: A candy-colored smooth phallus with extra bumps and ridges at either end.
Silicone: A big veiny, realistic penis replica.
Stainless Steel: A curved, tapered rod with a smaller bulb on one end and a larger bulb on the other.

"The only material that might not be completely vegan is jelly rubber, since it may contain gelatin or casein, a milk product. Be careful if you're allergic or intolerant!" Cautions Shelby as they toss a realistic penis toy over their shoulder, which jiggles as it soars through the air. "Jelly rubber toys are also a bacterial headache! They are porous, so they can't be completely anitized, BLEGH! It's much more worth it to fork over a few extra bones for nice stuff!"

"bye." The bunny waves at the dildo as it flies over their head, wobbling.

Holding their hands over their head, Shelby summons an enormous rainbow-striped phallus.
"Speaking of ingredients, I also thought about the colors that toys come in, and all of my online searches on this came with absolutely no results."

Pulling out a magnifying glass, they inspect the striped toy, narrating, "So I delved deep and contacted some toy manufacturers. I learned they use cosmetic pigments that are animal-free... BOOYAH!

Little notes point to the floating toy, stating, "Also! Mineral-based. Synthetic. Nontoxic."


Page 3
"Alright, alright I'm interested." The stranger acquiesces. "...What about condoms?? I still wanna be safe, ya'know?"


"GOOD QUESTION!" Replies Shelby while executing a perfect punch and kick of enthusiasm mid-air. "Most condoms and dental dams are made of latex, which is a plant-based material. BUT! Some of them use casein to make the outside smooth. There are a few large brands making latex-free condoms that are safe to use. OR you can buy directly from a vegan brand." To demonstrate, Shelby rips open a condom packet.

Leaning in discreetly, the person asks, "What about luuuuuuube?"

"OH YEAH!" Shelby exclaims. "The only lube ingredient that might not be vegan is glycerin. Lubes usually have their ingredients listed on the bottle and might specify if the glycerin is plant-based or not." They say while confidently marching across the panel- unaware that their bunny friend has just knocked over a bottle of lube onto the floor right in front of them. "BUUUUUT," Shelby exclaims, slipping in the lube puddle. "even if you're not planning on going vegan in the bedroom, glycerins are good to avoid! It's sugar, and sugars encourage yeast infections in vulvas..."



Page 4
"butt hurt!!!" The caption helpfully announces where Shelby lands on their butt.

"OUCH!!" Yelps Shelby, who quickly recovers- albeit with cartoon stars swirling around their head. "Let's move onto kinky stuff..." Ripping open their shirt, they reveal a faux-leather strappy bondage harness with O-rings criss-crossing across their shoulders and ribcage. "Harnesses, collars, whips, and other BDSM items are usually made out of leather. BUT! A lot of companies and crafters are able to make the same quality items out of materials like vinyl, chains, and faux leather."

Holding up a bundle of rope, they continue, "Ropes are almost always vegan, but some are treated with honey or have dyes that are sourced from animals and bugs."

The bunny, now decked out in faux-leather gear, cracks a whip at the rope bundle, speaking a word balloon that is filled with a drawing of a cartoon carrot.

"When it comes to furniture and other sexy things like clothing, watch out for fur and silk." Shelby says seductively, now laying on top of a giant red wedge shape (Labeled "Sexy Ramp") that sits on top of a bed. They have changed into an open yellow blouse and green polk-dotted underwear with little lace edging around the leg holes. "Real furs are skinned from animals, and silk is made from boiling silkworms in their cocoons. These materials tend to be more expensive anyway, hahah!" The Sexy Ramp now floats on a sea of sex toys and accoutrements, with Shelby resting on top like a raft. "If a product's box doesn't have the materials listed, you can easily contact the manufacturer! But all in all, it was pretty easy for me to go vegan in the bedroom, which left me PLENTY of time to get to the sexy good stuff!"

Transcribed November 3, 2025 by Erika Moen for https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vegan-bedroom-shelby-criswell