Affectionate friendships are such a big part of my life now, it’s hard to imagine who I’d be without all the hugs I’m grateful to get and to give these days!
A very special thank-you for my good friend Jacob for allowing me to share a tidbit of our friendship in this comic! Thank you to Kieran for being part of this story as well, and as always thank you to my amazing editor Ziggy for working with me on this pitch and script!
Matts Added Note: I’ve been talking about this comic to friends for weeks now – so happy to finally share it with you all! I love it a whole lot. Alright; here in the footnotes – I want to remind you all to come and support OJST and what we do, with your real life dollars! We are only able to hire and make these comics with readers Patreon’age, come and help us stay afloat and keep going week to week, and we promise to keep making comics like todays!
Orrrrr help out and give us a follow on one of our socials bellow! Every sign up helps!
Bluesky
Mastodon
Pillowfort
(you can also follow For Free (like so) on Patreon)
And the others, that we’d rather avoid, but still post to for now:
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
(I’m also still on the hunt for a some one to help post our work to Reddit! Ping me!)
↓ Comic Transcript
Hien Pham illustrates in a more realistically rendered style. He uses the full spectrum of colors in this comic.
Narration: While moving houses a couple years ago, I rediscovered my old journal comics!
"Oh?" Hien gasps, as he finds a stack of spiral-bound sketchbooks behind a closet door. He is a Southeast Asian cisgender heavyset man with a short, bushy, black beard, fuzzy body hair, and glasses. He is mostly bald on top, with the rest of his hair pulled back into a bun.
Narration: Out of over 500 pages I had written, one entry caught my eye...
"Oh no..." Panics Hien, as he flips through a sketchbook. Startled sweat and reaction lines bounce off him. "The huge crush I had on Jacob!"
A cascade of sketchbook pages flows over the page. They feature soft pencil sketches of Hien and Jacob, who is a heavyset man with a medium-length bushy beard, and wears a Hawaiian-print shirt. One page includes the handwritten note, "As far as I can remember... He had a perfect beard and the most gorgeous belly Ive ever seen and he was kind and patient.", while another reads, "And I think... this isn't even about him or the crush... This is the first time I've been able to just enjoy and indulge." next to a cartoon of the two of them walking side-by-side. Along side a series of illustrations of two hands brushing past each other, then fingers intermingling, and finally clasping, is the caption, "And I really want... really want... to just hold his hand."
Narration: Whenever I had a crush, which was often... of course I would yearn for an emotional connection and for my feelings to be reciprocated... But, most notably, I would always yearn for a physical intimacy that I thought could only come from romantic interests."
Page 2
Narration: I thought a committed relationship was the prerequisite for all the things I wanted to do. I thought: if I'm not coupled up, I'll simply never experience any physical affection or the closeness that comes with it.
A cartoony, hopeful-looking Hien clasps his hands over his heart as he looks upwards optimistically. Little hearts and excitement lines radiate off him. Behind him towers realistically rendered, monochromatically brown images of bearded, hairy masculine couples kissing, embracing, and cuddling.
Narration: Before my first-ever Pride parade, I decided to ask Jacob out on a date with a handmade choose-your-own adventure comic...
A very cartoonified, chibi-Hien hands Jacob a small paper zine. Hien blushes, looking nervous but optimistic while avoiding eye contact with the surprised and slightly apprehensive and realistically-drawn Jacob. The background is a warm, rosey-pink.
Narration: If he chose yes, it would give him my phone number. Otherwise, the zine would flip to a doodle of a dog...
Against a dark maroon background, a devastated chibi-Hien sobs his heart out at the railing separating the crowd from the parade. In the foreground are parade-marchers decked out in rainbows and fairy wings, celebrating joyously. Devastated Hien waves a tiny little rainbow flag while waterfalls pour from his vacant eyes.
Narration: He very politely turned me down. I ripped up the dog doodle, and spent the rest of the queer celebration bawling my feelings out. Still, we kept in touch after that and the world soon entered COVID lockdowns.
Page 3
Narration: We got to know each other better online, and had become good friends when the world re-opened.
"More Guild Wars 2 today?" Chibi-Hien asks at his computer station with headphones on.
"The grind never ends!" Jacob replies, through the computer.
In another scene, Chibi versions of all the boys appear out taking a walk.
"This is Kieran, my boyfriend!" Jacob says while gesturing at the bearded, bespectacled man beside him who is holding his hand. Kieran waves jovially.
"Hello!" Greets Hien with a big smile, while inside his thoughts show him hunched over in a dark room sobbing.
Narration: We hung out on occassion, and would often run into each other at the local sauna.
In a dark and steamy sauna, Chibi Hien and Kieran amble down a corridor looking blissed out from getting steamed. The atmosphere is dark pinks and purples, clearly very humid and low visibility.
Suddenly, overhead, the lights pop on with a "klik! klik!"
"Oh?" Hien, now realistically-drawn, looks up in surprise. "Are they closing up? I didn't realize we stayed so late..."
With a precision strike, Jacob grabs Hien's wrist and pulls him to a dark side room.
"Huh?" Gulps Hien, with a surprised chibi expression.
"Shhh!" Shushes the realistically-drawn Jacob with a wink. "Let's hide!"
Page 4
"They can't kick us out if they never find us!" Jacob whispers to Hien, their heads stooped together just inches away from each other in the dark, cramped space they're hiding inside of.
"I don't think that's how it works! But, okay!" Laughs Hien.
Across a montage of monochromatic, realistically drawn images, the boys hold hands, caress, sniff, and kiss each other.
Narration: I've since made more friends that I'm grateful to get to share physical affection with. Friends who kiss me to say hellp. Friends who cuddle, who get intimate. Not every friendship requires a physical element. The only real requirement is to talk about our level of comfort and respecting each other's boundaries. The more casual intimacy I experience, the less pressure I place on each act of affection. Now, it doesn't feel as scary to say yes, say no, or to be rejected.
Page 5
Narration: I've never been in a relationship, and I used to think there was something wrong with that.
"Kieran!" Hien exclaims, embracing him in a big hug.
"Hey! Good to see you!" Kieran replies genuinely, giving Hien a thump on the back.
Narration: It took me until my 30s to realize I don't always need a romance to be fulfilled.
Handing Kieran his phone, Hien asks, "Can you help me take a photo for the comic?" and puts his arm around Jacob.
"Easy!" Replies Kiernan, positioning the phone to take the picture.
Narration: There is so much love and care to share and discover with the friends I already have right in front of me.
Narration: Who knew it could be like this?
One of Hien's old sketchbook pages rests on a table, showing a sketch of both him and Kiernan in chibi form, holding hands. Hien looks hopefully at Kiernan, with a little heart emanating from him, while Kiernan looks away, flustered and confused. Overlaid on the sketch is a photo of Hien and Kiernan from today, showing them exuberantly holding their interlocked hand up in the air. Kiernan gives the camera a cheeky wink while the two boys beam at the camera.
Transcribed by Erika Moen 9/8/2025 for ohjoysextoy.com/who-knew-it-could-be-like-this-hien-pham
Narration: While moving houses a couple years ago, I rediscovered my old journal comics!
"Oh?" Hien gasps, as he finds a stack of spiral-bound sketchbooks behind a closet door. He is a Southeast Asian cisgender heavyset man with a short, bushy, black beard, fuzzy body hair, and glasses. He is mostly bald on top, with the rest of his hair pulled back into a bun.
Narration: Out of over 500 pages I had written, one entry caught my eye...
"Oh no..." Panics Hien, as he flips through a sketchbook. Startled sweat and reaction lines bounce off him. "The huge crush I had on Jacob!"
A cascade of sketchbook pages flows over the page. They feature soft pencil sketches of Hien and Jacob, who is a heavyset man with a medium-length bushy beard, and wears a Hawaiian-print shirt. One page includes the handwritten note, "As far as I can remember... He had a perfect beard and the most gorgeous belly Ive ever seen and he was kind and patient.", while another reads, "And I think... this isn't even about him or the crush... This is the first time I've been able to just enjoy and indulge." next to a cartoon of the two of them walking side-by-side. Along side a series of illustrations of two hands brushing past each other, then fingers intermingling, and finally clasping, is the caption, "And I really want... really want... to just hold his hand."
Narration: Whenever I had a crush, which was often... of course I would yearn for an emotional connection and for my feelings to be reciprocated... But, most notably, I would always yearn for a physical intimacy that I thought could only come from romantic interests."
Page 2
Narration: I thought a committed relationship was the prerequisite for all the things I wanted to do. I thought: if I'm not coupled up, I'll simply never experience any physical affection or the closeness that comes with it.
A cartoony, hopeful-looking Hien clasps his hands over his heart as he looks upwards optimistically. Little hearts and excitement lines radiate off him. Behind him towers realistically rendered, monochromatically brown images of bearded, hairy masculine couples kissing, embracing, and cuddling.
Narration: Before my first-ever Pride parade, I decided to ask Jacob out on a date with a handmade choose-your-own adventure comic...
A very cartoonified, chibi-Hien hands Jacob a small paper zine. Hien blushes, looking nervous but optimistic while avoiding eye contact with the surprised and slightly apprehensive and realistically-drawn Jacob. The background is a warm, rosey-pink.
Narration: If he chose yes, it would give him my phone number. Otherwise, the zine would flip to a doodle of a dog...
Against a dark maroon background, a devastated chibi-Hien sobs his heart out at the railing separating the crowd from the parade. In the foreground are parade-marchers decked out in rainbows and fairy wings, celebrating joyously. Devastated Hien waves a tiny little rainbow flag while waterfalls pour from his vacant eyes.
Narration: He very politely turned me down. I ripped up the dog doodle, and spent the rest of the queer celebration bawling my feelings out. Still, we kept in touch after that and the world soon entered COVID lockdowns.
Page 3
Narration: We got to know each other better online, and had become good friends when the world re-opened.
"More Guild Wars 2 today?" Chibi-Hien asks at his computer station with headphones on.
"The grind never ends!" Jacob replies, through the computer.
In another scene, Chibi versions of all the boys appear out taking a walk.
"This is Kieran, my boyfriend!" Jacob says while gesturing at the bearded, bespectacled man beside him who is holding his hand. Kieran waves jovially.
"Hello!" Greets Hien with a big smile, while inside his thoughts show him hunched over in a dark room sobbing.
Narration: We hung out on occassion, and would often run into each other at the local sauna.
In a dark and steamy sauna, Chibi Hien and Kieran amble down a corridor looking blissed out from getting steamed. The atmosphere is dark pinks and purples, clearly very humid and low visibility.
Suddenly, overhead, the lights pop on with a "klik! klik!"
"Oh?" Hien, now realistically-drawn, looks up in surprise. "Are they closing up? I didn't realize we stayed so late..."
With a precision strike, Jacob grabs Hien's wrist and pulls him to a dark side room.
"Huh?" Gulps Hien, with a surprised chibi expression.
"Shhh!" Shushes the realistically-drawn Jacob with a wink. "Let's hide!"
Page 4
"They can't kick us out if they never find us!" Jacob whispers to Hien, their heads stooped together just inches away from each other in the dark, cramped space they're hiding inside of.
"I don't think that's how it works! But, okay!" Laughs Hien.
Across a montage of monochromatic, realistically drawn images, the boys hold hands, caress, sniff, and kiss each other.
Narration: I've since made more friends that I'm grateful to get to share physical affection with. Friends who kiss me to say hellp. Friends who cuddle, who get intimate. Not every friendship requires a physical element. The only real requirement is to talk about our level of comfort and respecting each other's boundaries. The more casual intimacy I experience, the less pressure I place on each act of affection. Now, it doesn't feel as scary to say yes, say no, or to be rejected.
Page 5
Narration: I've never been in a relationship, and I used to think there was something wrong with that.
"Kieran!" Hien exclaims, embracing him in a big hug.
"Hey! Good to see you!" Kieran replies genuinely, giving Hien a thump on the back.
Narration: It took me until my 30s to realize I don't always need a romance to be fulfilled.
Handing Kieran his phone, Hien asks, "Can you help me take a photo for the comic?" and puts his arm around Jacob.
"Easy!" Replies Kiernan, positioning the phone to take the picture.
Narration: There is so much love and care to share and discover with the friends I already have right in front of me.
Narration: Who knew it could be like this?
One of Hien's old sketchbook pages rests on a table, showing a sketch of both him and Kiernan in chibi form, holding hands. Hien looks hopefully at Kiernan, with a little heart emanating from him, while Kiernan looks away, flustered and confused. Overlaid on the sketch is a photo of Hien and Kiernan from today, showing them exuberantly holding their interlocked hand up in the air. Kiernan gives the camera a cheeky wink while the two boys beam at the camera.
Transcribed by Erika Moen 9/8/2025 for ohjoysextoy.com/who-knew-it-could-be-like-this-hien-pham