Sparklemaia spills the tea on Asexuality with a wonderful 101 comic.
Today’s comic was a huge labor of love and I’m incredibly grateful to have an Ace comic that’s so thoughtful, introductory, and helpful on OJST. I know sparklemaiahas also been posting some of the behind the scenes to her Substack if you’d like to check out all the hoops we asked her to jump through ;D
Want to learn more abotu Asexuality? Sparklemaia has two links for you to check out:
The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network – THE go-to online resource for asexuality
Ace by Angela Chen An amazing book resource.
Patreon’s Snaffu Update
A few of you have reached out for more information about the Financial Patreon Blip (The Verge & Engadget & Patreon’s Status page) we suffered this past month and a half, curious to know how bad it was in the end. It took a while to really figure out what the impact was beyond supporters just disappearing, but right now it looks like we lost about 10% of our monthly revenue. Where that leaves us is a real question! This next month or so I’ll start exploring fresh fundraising and see if we can’t stabilize things a bit. Let’s just see how it goes.
The TL;DR of it all? OJST exists thanks to the support of our patrons and every dollar goes a long way in keeping the comics coming. Join our Patreon party and get exclusive comics and behind-the-scenes content!
– The Oh Joy Sex Toy per-comic Patreon to directly support these comics
– The Erika Moen Monthly Patreon with her many art projects
And please don’t shy away from emailing me if you’d like to directly support OJST. Every Sponsor and Generous Supporter keeps OJST going!
Page 1
Two figures sit in a lavender living room that's very comfy and has lots of cats around. They are drinking tea.
Maia: -and that's why I can't go back like, ever again.
Friend: Completely fair. Speaking of fair: how was the maker faire?
Maia: Rad! That's where I got this sweet hat!
IMAGE: Close-up on Maia's black baseball hat, which has the black, gray, white, and purple-striped Asexuality flag on it.
IMAGE: Friend holding tea mug and talking.
Friend: It's... a pride flag... it's on the tip of my brain- Oh! The asexual flag!
Friend: You posted about being ace in April! Full disclosure: I googled it, but I'm still pretty vague on what asexuality is... I think it's the "A" in LGBTQIA? But I still have, like, so many questions.
Maia: I'd love to be your ace wiki for the day, if you're down?
Friend: Ohh, yes please!
Maia: Great, this is my jam. Let's spill the tea on asexuali-TEA!
Page 2
Maia: So, what would you say attraction feels like?
Friend: Hmm... I guess it's like a strong pull towards someone?
IMAGE: The friend leans forward to stroke a gray-striped cat that hopped on their table and is walking towards them.
Maia: Totally! But it took some super personal chats with my all- (non-ace) -friends to realize we meant different things when we talked about being into someone. It turns out that attraction- that pull- is made up of different parts.
IMAGE: Another table houses multiple bowls of looseleaf teas, with a sign proclaiming, "Build your own!". Each bowl is labeled differently: Sensual, Romantic, Sexual, Aesthetic
Maia: I've got romantic attraction in spades. It's just that for me, that romantic attraction isn't linked to sexual attraction.
Friend: So, when you feel drawn toward someone, you just don't... have the desire to bone them?
Maia: Pretty much! And that's what asexual means: little to no sexual attraction.
Page 3
Friend: Hold up... a 'little' bit of sexual attraction still counts as ace?
Maia: Yeah, it's not always an all-or-nothing thing. Some people experience sexual attraction rarely, or only under certain circumstances, or just at very low levels. It's kind of a spectrum.
Friend: I guess that tracks, very few things in life are totally black and white!
Maia (gesturing at the black, gray, white, purple-striped Asexual flag): Exactly. That's what the grey is for. Anyone who feels like they don't totally vibe with a 'typical' allo experience is welcome, even if they're in that grey zone between allo and 'absolute zero' sexual attraction.
Friend: Sounds like there's lots of SPACE- in ACE!
IMAGE: Maia plants the Ace flag on the moon, waving at a rocket (also emblazoned with the ace flag) as it cruises by.
Maia: Haha, yep! My ace experience might not be the same as someone else's, but the label gives us a starting place for finding common ground.
Page 4
IMAGE: Back in the tea house, the friend observes two cats curled up on a shelf on the wall.
Friend: Something I still don't get: you've talked about crushes and dates and stuff before. Are your dates just Netflix and actual chill?
Maia: Haha, sometimes! But other times I do take it to the bone zone. For me, sex is often about emotional intimacy with my partner. Heck, sometimes I just need to scratch a biological itch, even if my body isn't pointing me towards a specific person to get it done. Plus, for me, it feels good!
Friend: Whoa, you actually... like sex?
Maia: Yeah, there's even a word for it in ace space: sex-favorable. And whether sex favorable, sex-indifferent, or sex-repulsed, all aces are still ace.
IMAGE: Three cats illustrate the different states of asexual sexual interest.
Sex-Favorable cat smiles and approaches a hand to be pet.
Sex-Indifferent cat sits by itself, licking its paw.
Sex-Repulsed cat is all puffed up and hissing.
Page 5
IMAGE: Maia gestures in front of a wall of tea containers, each labeled different asexual statuses. Some labels include: aceflux, demi, reciprosexual, greysexual, cupiosexual, lithosexual, fictosexual, aegosexual, fraysexual.
Maia: There are millions of ways to be ace! We can use increasingly spevific microlabels to try to put words to our experiences, but the truth is: identity is dynamic and fluid and messy, and language is always evolving.
Friend: But... but... then what's the point?!
Maia: Having a word for yourself is empowering! When I finally discovered the word asexual, it was such a huge relief! It gave depth and context to my sexuality, and connected me to a whole community of people like me, people who get me and celebrate this part of my identity. Being ace is something I LOVE about myself. It's powerful and joyful and freeing. I love it so much, I wanna just- (Maia points at their baseball cap with the Ace flag on it) -wear it on my forehead.
Transcribed October 14, 2025 by Matt Nolan and Erika Moen